Is it so hard to let go? Can your past be so intertwined with your present that you are just unable to move on? If not, how does one step-out?

Questions engulf my head and storm my brain..
From looking back I cannot refrain..
A face replays in my mind continually,
This has been my hardest time arguably.

I appear stronger and refuse to budge,
But to myself I cannot fudge..

Is it only you who cause my creativity to spill
Why then is it so hard for me to write, even by will?

It is memories and some more all down the way
I wish I too was made out of clay.

This is no time for me to stop and rethink
I want you to disappear with a whisker and a blink..

I want to endure pain and agony no more
I sailed a long journey and have just begun to touch the shore..

When will I be freed of your thought and touch
Please let me go, I want to stray away from your clutch..

I often wonder what is in my hand and line,
But I do know....
I want my life to be wholly mine!

I want to say something, words fail me... I try to write, my mind fails me.. Is it so hard to coin together a few alphabets? I viewed someones blog today and my inability to write one, pierced through me a deep hole.. So.. Here I am... Trying to 'fit in' when I don't belong.. Forcing myself when I don't want it.. I like to write, yes I do.. But what? Its lame to copy-paste created work.. What is it that 'I' want? I don't know! Who knows then? Do you? Does He?
He! Is He a fragment of my imaginations? Presenting vivid hallucinations and delusions, I wonder if I'm schizophrenic.. Those are the symptoms, ain't they?
I refuse to stand before the idol at home, declaring with a loud and stern voice, "belief should come from within".. My mind retaliates this voice.. I stand before the same idol I deny many time over, in dire straits... I bow my head, tears streaming down my face, and pray... Pray hard and honest... Pray for me, for the people around me...
And I said I can't write.. Its a funny thing, language... And your mind... Racing thoughts never leave your side, and you should not deny it its existence...