A pit, a burrrow, a hole
I feel a hollow right here
Can you see it?

I can put my hand right in..
Deep, deep and deep..
I penetrate as far as I can, find nothing...
A hollow... Emptiness..

This is nothing material...
Laughter echos...
Its me, my heart...

You can pour anything in, I feel not a thing.

Choice may have a great say in this, but does it really?

I can see, I can breathe, I can touch.....
Nothing

Its a void
I know not what made it, what will break it...
Shake it

Numb and blunt
Breathing, yes.. Still breathing...

This has got to be absurd!
First, I meet the person in the most unconventional of all ways- wrong message.
Second, he identifies me from the galore of people who share my name- a networking site.
And!! We interchange roles as if it were planned- I join the corporate world whilst he commences school.

This. Today, and that day.

Yes, that day.

It isn't always wrong, weird thoughts racing through your head. Someone has rightly said 'everything, absolutely everything, happens for a reason'.

I cannot explain the reason, neither can I describe the bristling fleet of emotions I'm facing.

What. How. Why.

How bizarre is it? You run a search for something indolent, and you hit on something solid. Something so strong that you are shaken from yourself, you can feel the ground beneath your feet come apart.

Knowing that you have been deprived of your right, you see red. Nothing anyone does or says can stop you and you begin to push buttons on your phone. Your vision is blinded with rage and apprehension. And then, the greeting... ''Hello''

Stop.

When your in grave danger and in a near fatal state, CALL! Is that hard to comprehend? Or is it that my diction and speech are ill-defined?

I can see red, breathe red, speak red. Anger. Madness.

Red..... madness

Somehow always I find reason to fortify my faith in the super-power. He.

As my friend befell his fate, my eyes were shut in silent entreaty. I know not if these actions were simultaneous, but I do know that some part of me crumbled. In the following days I kept alive my faith, played the optimist at my best. Eventually doubt engulfed me. Why would any person dodge my calls and remove me from all communication? Especially when the person is a special friend, a special someone. Dubiety got the better of me and I panicked.

That must have been my fault. I gave up. The 'unrelenting optimist' flashed her weakness.

Remorse fills me as I write this. I left no room for accident in my assumption. All that I knew and cared for was the fact that I had been ignored, blissfully, might I add. But as it turns out, that was what it was, an accident. Fortunately, a non-fatal accident.

How I know? Accident! I stumbled upon a stranger's blog while I was looking for an intimates blog. Stranger... Maybe not after all.

I must thank you, you, Mr. Stranger.

Why.

One question to which there could be many or no answers. Every time something related to my past comes up, I get mad. My emotions get the better of me and I bawl out. At times, I just abuse. I don't like doing it. Wish I could help myself. Unfortunately, that moment nothing can help me.

There are many people who have taken me for granted. Why should one take others for granted.

Its just a sweatshirt sang! Chill out!

I want to, I seriously do, I can't.

Goodnight!!

Is it so hard to let go? Can your past be so intertwined with your present that you are just unable to move on? If not, how does one step-out?

Questions engulf my head and storm my brain..
From looking back I cannot refrain..
A face replays in my mind continually,
This has been my hardest time arguably.

I appear stronger and refuse to budge,
But to myself I cannot fudge..

Is it only you who cause my creativity to spill
Why then is it so hard for me to write, even by will?

It is memories and some more all down the way
I wish I too was made out of clay.

This is no time for me to stop and rethink
I want you to disappear with a whisker and a blink..

I want to endure pain and agony no more
I sailed a long journey and have just begun to touch the shore..

When will I be freed of your thought and touch
Please let me go, I want to stray away from your clutch..

I often wonder what is in my hand and line,
But I do know....
I want my life to be wholly mine!

I want to say something, words fail me... I try to write, my mind fails me.. Is it so hard to coin together a few alphabets? I viewed someones blog today and my inability to write one, pierced through me a deep hole.. So.. Here I am... Trying to 'fit in' when I don't belong.. Forcing myself when I don't want it.. I like to write, yes I do.. But what? Its lame to copy-paste created work.. What is it that 'I' want? I don't know! Who knows then? Do you? Does He?
He! Is He a fragment of my imaginations? Presenting vivid hallucinations and delusions, I wonder if I'm schizophrenic.. Those are the symptoms, ain't they?
I refuse to stand before the idol at home, declaring with a loud and stern voice, "belief should come from within".. My mind retaliates this voice.. I stand before the same idol I deny many time over, in dire straits... I bow my head, tears streaming down my face, and pray... Pray hard and honest... Pray for me, for the people around me...
And I said I can't write.. Its a funny thing, language... And your mind... Racing thoughts never leave your side, and you should not deny it its existence...